setting the goal

We often feel like our relationships aren't working. The only way to know for sure is to be clear on what your goal for the relationship is. If you're clear on the goal then it's simple to see if what you're doing with the relationship, what you're 'using it for', is bringing you closer to or pushing you further away from that purpose. 

For example if your goal is to learn how to truly love another person then the times when you are feeling unloving, or choosing to see them as undeserving of love will be given the purpose of practicing loving them regardless of their behavior and then looking honestly at your resistance to doing just that. Their role in your life becomes then a part of the lesson of learning the meaning of unconditional love and your resistance to it, your fear of it. It's easy to feel like we love someone when they're being everything we think we want them to be. It's when they're NOT being what we think we want them to be but we choose to continue loving them anyway that we understand the meaning of love without conditions. 

To my mind that is the proof of the relationship 'working' as the goal was conceived. And really what greater purpose can there possibly be for ANY relationship than learning the meaning of unconditional love? And if you don't have a conscious goal, then how are you supposed to know whether or not what you are doing is actually working?

the projected world

"What I see reflects a process in my mind, which starts with my idea of what I want. From there the mind makes up an image of the thing the mind desires, judges valuable and therefore seeks to find. These images are then projected outward, looked upon, esteemed as real and fiercely defended. "

~ A Course In Miracles

This is what creates the world I see, nothing else. The world I see exists only in my own mind. This is why what I see depends on what I thought before I looked.   If I see a world that justifies my judgment and attack then I will experience a world of conflict and myself as separate and vulnerable and justified in attacking my brother. If I see a world that justifies my forgiveness and love then I experience a world of peace and myself as whole and safe and justified only in loving him. In every moment of every situation I am choosing the world I want to see, the self I want to be and what my brother means to me. I can change my mind at any time.

remembering

Our Truth has always been, awaiting our remembering. Behind the pain, the suffering, the anger and the sadness there is light, there is love. There was always light, there was always love. We just forgot that that is what we are. As that light begins to shine in one, in you, it reminds others of the same light hidden within themselves. It is impossible to find healing within yourself without bringing healing to those around you, those you pass in the street, those you may never meet. In remembering the Truth for yourself you are remembering for everyone.

the willingness to see

The times of your greatest conflict are the moments in which you could find your greatest release. Behind every symbol of fear lies the Truth about yourself that your mind knows well but has chosen to forget. The greater the fear the greater the opportunity for healing and release from pain. Be willing to be wrong in what you perceive and let your vision be healed so that you may free yourself from darkness and fear. You may dispute this is possible, seeing justification for the upholding of judgment and condemnation all around you. Yet what you see is simply your perception and perception is not Truth but only your interpretation of it. How will you know Truth until you are willing to let your interpretation go and look upon what remains?

Even just to raise the question "what if my judgment in this is false?" is the invitation for Truth to enter your awareness. Fear not your inability to accomplish what seems impossible. Those who truly want to see WILL see for Truth will always remain Truth and awaits only your choice.

To overcome suffering requires only your desire for peace and the willingness to be shown that you were wrong. As you release the need to be right and accept the decision to be happy so you demonstrate to others the same choice is also theirs. You cannot release yourself from suffering without releasing those your mind beholds. Their freedom is yours. Forgive the world to forgive yourself. Teach only love for that is what you are.

loving without fear

Having fear for someone you love is a block to truly loving them.  Being afraid for the health, safety, well being or choices that another person is making leads to a response based not in their need but in yours.  Any action you take to 'help' them is really an unconscious attempt to manage your own fear by directing, managing or controlling them in a way that lessens your own conflict.  Looked at honestly it can be seen that this is not really about helping the other person at all but is really just a way of helping yourself.  

If you find a person resists your attempts to assist them ask yourself honestly what you are really trying to do.  Focusing on your own fear only reinforces theirs.  Focusing on trust and peace within yourself reinforces the possibility of them making the same choice for themselves.  What we believe is missing in any situation is always what we are not giving.  Love and fear cannot coexist in your mind.  If you're choosing one then you are rejecting the other. If they are afraid then they have already rejected love and so love is clearly what is needed.

Being willing to release fear, to release your own judgment about what they need or how they should be, frees your mind to simply love and be present. Your mind is freed to actually see THEM instead of only seeing your own need.  From this space, without the blinders of your own fear, it will be clear what they need from you in order to move towards healing.  Sometimes this need takes the form of specific action and any action you take will be TRULY loving, being an extension of the loving space you have already chosen for yourself.  And sometimes they may just simply need a loving, non-judgmental presence beside them. In truth all that someone needs in order to move towards healing themselves is to be given an already healed perception of what they are, to be shown the reflection of the truth they are still unable to see in themselves.  And in the process you will discover that it is really yourself that you are healing and learning to love without fear.

developing trust

If it's not happening naturally stop trying to force it. Resistance to what is is the greatest cause of conflict in this world. The truly joyful and free do not fight or struggle for peace, for joy, for abundance; this makes no sense to them. True wisdom and power come from understanding that forgiveness, acceptance and trust will open a space in your life within which miracles can occur, within which ALL THAT YOU NEED will be given to you. There is no need to MAKE it happen, you need only LET it happen. To have peace and joy simply start practicing CHOOSING peace and joy regardless of your circumstances. Practice trusting and see what happens, practice gratitude and see what happens, practice letting go of control and SEE what happens. You may say it won't work but have you ever REALLY tried to trust consistently, to accept consistently, to forgive consistently?

Your will cannot fight the Universal will although you can spend your life trying. But aligned with it your potential is limitless. Aligned with it you BECOME it. And what is not possible to One whose Self flows with the power of the Universe?

the waking dream

Would you take the seeming problems and triumphs of your life so seriously if they were all just an illusion? Would you take yourself so seriously if you were just a figure in a dream? When you're asleep in bed dreaming it feels real, seems to make sense and you don't question it. The self within the dream seems to be what you are. When you awake in the morning that too feels real, seems to make sense and you don't question it. The self lying in bed seems to be what you are. But what makes you think this isn't just another dream? Clearly the mind has the ability to make a world that is not real. Do you then really know the difference between dreaming and waking at all?

ripples

No moment of love is ever lost or wasted. Do not judge the efficacy of your choice for love based on what your eyes can see. Like an upward thrust of the earth in the deep ocean little is seen at the surface yet the wave travels quietly outwards with hidden power. And as a wave moves from droplet to droplet, communicating that original moment of upliftment from one to the next, so love moves from person to person, lifting each one up before breaking on the shores of distant lives with a power and majesty beyond your imagining.

healed perception

A mind filled with judgment and attack sees nothing as it is but only as the mind has set it up. Forgiveness is the choice for freedom from illusion and the acceptance of Truth. Not until you forgive yourself all your seeming sins will your vision be clear to see yourself as you truly are. Not until this world is completely forgiven will you see it as it truly is.

authentic self-love

Any happiness gained from being dependent on anything outside of yourself (a person, a situation, a thing) MUST be underpinned with fear, the fear of losing it or it changing or being taken from you. If you believe that something outside you makes you happy then you must also believe that losing it will make you miserable. This is not TRUE peace of mind, but a temporary, illusionary happiness where your underlying fear of loss, lack or loneliness is momentarily covered over by your focus on the external object. This focus is thus accompanied by the need to constantly control and possess the object, to ensure that it is not lost, to avoid the experience of loss, separation and rejection. This is the root of all jealousy and insecurity. The belief that without the 'other' the self alone is invalid. This is a relationship based in fear, not love. In need, not fullness.

This is why most relationships end in conflict. People don't like being controlled. No-one wants to be responsible for someone else's happiness. It's a HUGE and impossible burden to place on someone else and is an abdication of your own power of self-determination. It's a betrayal and a rejection of the intrinsic validity of the self. 

Your unwillingness to love yourself expresses your profound belief that you are not worthy of love. Even if someone else loves you unconditionally if you don't love yourself you cannot believe they love you because there's no space within you to receive that kind of love, you don't believe it's possible. And so you will seek for and find justifications for feeling unloved, for them not meeting your needs as you have set them up (nobody can 'check' all of our boxes all of the time), proof that they do not love you or love you enough. Think about what you are 'giving' in this relationship. You do not value yourself enough to truly love yourself unconditionally and so seek another outside yourself of 'greater' value to substitute or make up for for the apparent lack you see within. Is it really a fair exchange to give something you value so little (yourself) to gain something you value so much (the other)? In this situation you do not even value the other unconditionally but only for what you can take from them, for the perceived value they add to your own diminished self-concept. This is why so many relationships break down, you were never really loving, giving to each other but simply trying to 'get' from each other. What seemed like love quickly fades into hate once one stops upholding his end of the bargain. Is it really loving someone to enter into such an unbalanced, unfair bargain and aren't they really also doing the same thing to you? Are either of you truly giving anything then at all? 

To truly give is to know that that which you depend upon cannot be lost. In this world the only thing that cannot be lost or taken from you is your own love for yourself, your acceptance of your own worth. This is the ONLY foundation upon which a lasting joy and peace of mind can be built. Everything external is temporary, transitory. That's the nature of this world. People come and go, either by choice or simply the process of life. Without an inner core of self love you are buffeted about, up or down depending on where the fickle currents of life lead, falling from one love bargain to the next, seeking but never finding the permanence you crave.

When you are truly willing to love yourself you are not seeking another to GIVE you love because you've already filled yourself with self-love and so feel no lack, and so you are free to simply unconditionally SHARE that love with another (with everyone) without the need to control, possess or make demands of them. What need is there to 'take' from another when you have already met your ONLY true need yourself? This is TRULY loving someone. This is loving yourself. Do not feel that it is wrong to enter into relationships based in fear, we all do at the beginning because we do not see that we are afraid, we don't see ourselves clearly. It's not wrong, but understand that it's also not what you really want. Looking with honest, open eyes at their relationships and the self-concept they uphold, who would choose a pale imitation of love when the infinite, lasting ocean of authentic self-love awaits only their choice?

the illusion of separation

The idea that we are bodies separated by space and time is an illusion created by our minds. Even empirical physics tells us that all things in existence began as ONE THING, a singularity that then seemed to explode out into innumerable ever-changing forms constantly 'dying' and being reborn. 

So we're really all just the same stuff, just the SAME THING that only APPEARS separate when perceived at any particular moment in time. There is no death in reality, just a shift in apparent form. Like breaking waves and and spray in the ocean we appear at times to be separate drops, individualized particles separate from the whole but every drop inevitably falls back into the ocean it came from and is never really apart from it. It simply seems to be apart from it in that momentary snapshot of time. But if its return to the ocean is certain then is it ever really NOT the ocean? 

The idea of separation and loss is only possible from the viewpoint of a limited perception, a mind that understands 'reality' in terms of seconds, minutes, hours and years instead of eternity, in terms of inches, feet and miles instead of infinity. Our lives are a snapshot moment seemingly separated out from eternity. To judge our reality based on what it looks like for the nanosecond that we call our lives is like the fable of the men trying to identify an elephant each only touching one part of it. It's not possible. We try but we get it wrong.

Time and space are functions of the mind, made to reinforce the belief in separation, to create the illusion of many, to obscure the Truth of Oneness. This is why when you really begin to look at them closely time and space break down, don't make sense. This is why the rules of time and space CHANGE ACCORDING TO THE VIEWPOINT OF THE OBSERVER. Einstein showed us this, quantum physics is beginning to reveal it more clearly. 

We're drops of water that seemed suspended in time, time an illusion created by the thought that separation is possible. But we were never apart from our source, it was never lost. Truth can only be known when we identify with the eternal, the infinite, the unlimited, when we release our investment in the meaningless, fleeting fragments that seem to constitute our bodies, our identities, our 'reality' in time. It is then that we choose to see what we truly are. It is then that we realize we were always one and always at home. It is then that we find peace.

escape from suffering

Once you truly understand someone they will never upset you again. Once you truly understand yourself you will never feel invalid again. Understanding leads to compassion, compassion leads to forgiveness, forgiveness leads to acceptance, acceptance leads to freedom. 

People aren't hard to understand. We're all struggling with ourselves in some way. We all feel intrinsically invalid in some way, we all want to feel valid. ALL unloving behaviors are about trying to manage this inner conflict. Accept that, and love for others, for yourself is inevitable. It's only our resistance to no longer using someone else to justify our own feelings of invalidity that prevents us from freeing others from judgement and being free ourselves. We stubbornly want anyone, anything but ourselves to be responsible for our pain. 

All suffering is thus a self created prison. That's the tragedy of it. It's also the beauty of it. You can let go, open the door and leave at any time.