every moment is a classroom

To choose forgiveness doesn't mean we need to like the person who we feel has wronged us and it doesn't have to be instantaneous.  But you can use the situation to begin today by simply deciding if even some small part of you wants to learn to think differently about yourself, about the world.  To think in terms of love instead of attack.  To learn to be grateful to that person for giving you an opportunity to practice choosing love instead of using them to reinforce your own pain.  That practice will serve you well in life and those you love will benefit from it immeasurably because forgiveness is the choice to free the self from pain.  People attack and abuse because of their own pain.  You can be present to the pain in others and love them through it when you are able to let go of the need to make it about your own pain. This is why forgiveness frees us to truly love others because without pain within ourselves we don't meet their pain with ours.  We meet it with our love instead.

Seen in this way those who appear to hurt us become those who save us. Given the purpose of learning forgiveness they are the springboard from which we catapult ourselves into true unconditional love for others, into peace and into a life filled with gratitude and joy.

choosing peace

A peaceful mind comes from a consistent, unified perception of everyone and everything. The thought that Love is really the only motivation for anything in this world greatly simplifies the decision that must be made in any instance. Regardless of the situation, no matter how complicated, difficult or unreasonable it may appear to the eyes, it will immediately relieve you of strain to remember that people are really only either asking for Love FROM others or extending it TO others. In either case the only appropriate, practical response is to simply love. Just as the Truth sets you free so does your decision for Love open your eyes to the awareness that freedom from conflict was always yours to choose.

choice and perception

Imagine a day where every grievance was released. Every perceived slight or attack forgiven. Every judgment let go. Every idea of pain and fear given over to the thought of joy. Imagine each person seen through the eyes of love. What vision of the world would be revealed to you?  What idea of your self would you awaken to?

the song of freedom

Forgiveness frees your mind, heart and body to become the instruments through which you play the song of love. It frees you to become the music that heals the world.

sharing

Once your thinking shifts from 'what can I get?' to 'what can I give?' you'll never feel lacking again.  The shift from 'what can I take?' to 'how can I serve?' is the choice to acknowledge the worth of what you already are.  It is the willingness to be shown the value of what you have within you to give to others.  In sharing yourself you are loving yourself.  It is only in sharing ourselves that we allow others to show us our meaning.  It is only in sharing ourselves that we feel truly connected to life.  It is only in sharing yourself that you learn you were always whole.  It is only in giving yourself that you truly gain yourself.

setting the goal

We often feel like our relationships aren't working. The only way to know for sure is to be clear on what your goal for the relationship is. If you're clear on the goal then it's simple to see if what you're doing with the relationship, what you're 'using it for', is bringing you closer to or pushing you further away from that purpose. 

For example if your goal is to learn how to truly love another person then the times when you are feeling unloving, or choosing to see them as undeserving of love will be given the purpose of practicing loving them regardless of their behavior and then looking honestly at your resistance to doing just that. Their role in your life becomes then a part of the lesson of learning the meaning of unconditional love and your resistance to it, your fear of it. It's easy to feel like we love someone when they're being everything we think we want them to be. It's when they're NOT being what we think we want them to be but we choose to continue loving them anyway that we understand the meaning of love without conditions. 

To my mind that is the proof of the relationship 'working' as the goal was conceived. And really what greater purpose can there possibly be for ANY relationship than learning the meaning of unconditional love? And if you don't have a conscious goal, then how are you supposed to know whether or not what you are doing is actually working?

remembering

Our Truth has always been, awaiting our remembering. Behind the pain, the suffering, the anger and the sadness there is light, there is love. There was always light, there was always love. We just forgot that that is what we are. As that light begins to shine in one, in you, it reminds others of the same light hidden within themselves. It is impossible to find healing within yourself without bringing healing to those around you, those you pass in the street, those you may never meet. In remembering the Truth for yourself you are remembering for everyone.

loving without fear

Having fear for someone you love is a block to truly loving them.  Being afraid for the health, safety, well being or choices that another person is making leads to a response based not in their need but in yours.  Any action you take to 'help' them is really an unconscious attempt to manage your own fear by directing, managing or controlling them in a way that lessens your own conflict.  Looked at honestly it can be seen that this is not really about helping the other person at all but is really just a way of helping yourself.  

If you find a person resists your attempts to assist them ask yourself honestly what you are really trying to do.  Focusing on your own fear only reinforces theirs.  Focusing on trust and peace within yourself reinforces the possibility of them making the same choice for themselves.  What we believe is missing in any situation is always what we are not giving.  Love and fear cannot coexist in your mind.  If you're choosing one then you are rejecting the other. If they are afraid then they have already rejected love and so love is clearly what is needed.

Being willing to release fear, to release your own judgment about what they need or how they should be, frees your mind to simply love and be present. Your mind is freed to actually see THEM instead of only seeing your own need.  From this space, without the blinders of your own fear, it will be clear what they need from you in order to move towards healing.  Sometimes this need takes the form of specific action and any action you take will be TRULY loving, being an extension of the loving space you have already chosen for yourself.  And sometimes they may just simply need a loving, non-judgmental presence beside them. In truth all that someone needs in order to move towards healing themselves is to be given an already healed perception of what they are, to be shown the reflection of the truth they are still unable to see in themselves.  And in the process you will discover that it is really yourself that you are healing and learning to love without fear.

ripples

No moment of love is ever lost or wasted. Do not judge the efficacy of your choice for love based on what your eyes can see. Like an upward thrust of the earth in the deep ocean little is seen at the surface yet the wave travels quietly outwards with hidden power. And as a wave moves from droplet to droplet, communicating that original moment of upliftment from one to the next, so love moves from person to person, lifting each one up before breaking on the shores of distant lives with a power and majesty beyond your imagining.

authentic self-love

Any happiness gained from being dependent on anything outside of yourself (a person, a situation, a thing) MUST be underpinned with fear, the fear of losing it or it changing or being taken from you. If you believe that something outside you makes you happy then you must also believe that losing it will make you miserable. This is not TRUE peace of mind, but a temporary, illusionary happiness where your underlying fear of loss, lack or loneliness is momentarily covered over by your focus on the external object. This focus is thus accompanied by the need to constantly control and possess the object, to ensure that it is not lost, to avoid the experience of loss, separation and rejection. This is the root of all jealousy and insecurity. The belief that without the 'other' the self alone is invalid. This is a relationship based in fear, not love. In need, not fullness.

This is why most relationships end in conflict. People don't like being controlled. No-one wants to be responsible for someone else's happiness. It's a HUGE and impossible burden to place on someone else and is an abdication of your own power of self-determination. It's a betrayal and a rejection of the intrinsic validity of the self. 

Your unwillingness to love yourself expresses your profound belief that you are not worthy of love. Even if someone else loves you unconditionally if you don't love yourself you cannot believe they love you because there's no space within you to receive that kind of love, you don't believe it's possible. And so you will seek for and find justifications for feeling unloved, for them not meeting your needs as you have set them up (nobody can 'check' all of our boxes all of the time), proof that they do not love you or love you enough. Think about what you are 'giving' in this relationship. You do not value yourself enough to truly love yourself unconditionally and so seek another outside yourself of 'greater' value to substitute or make up for for the apparent lack you see within. Is it really a fair exchange to give something you value so little (yourself) to gain something you value so much (the other)? In this situation you do not even value the other unconditionally but only for what you can take from them, for the perceived value they add to your own diminished self-concept. This is why so many relationships break down, you were never really loving, giving to each other but simply trying to 'get' from each other. What seemed like love quickly fades into hate once one stops upholding his end of the bargain. Is it really loving someone to enter into such an unbalanced, unfair bargain and aren't they really also doing the same thing to you? Are either of you truly giving anything then at all? 

To truly give is to know that that which you depend upon cannot be lost. In this world the only thing that cannot be lost or taken from you is your own love for yourself, your acceptance of your own worth. This is the ONLY foundation upon which a lasting joy and peace of mind can be built. Everything external is temporary, transitory. That's the nature of this world. People come and go, either by choice or simply the process of life. Without an inner core of self love you are buffeted about, up or down depending on where the fickle currents of life lead, falling from one love bargain to the next, seeking but never finding the permanence you crave.

When you are truly willing to love yourself you are not seeking another to GIVE you love because you've already filled yourself with self-love and so feel no lack, and so you are free to simply unconditionally SHARE that love with another (with everyone) without the need to control, possess or make demands of them. What need is there to 'take' from another when you have already met your ONLY true need yourself? This is TRULY loving someone. This is loving yourself. Do not feel that it is wrong to enter into relationships based in fear, we all do at the beginning because we do not see that we are afraid, we don't see ourselves clearly. It's not wrong, but understand that it's also not what you really want. Looking with honest, open eyes at their relationships and the self-concept they uphold, who would choose a pale imitation of love when the infinite, lasting ocean of authentic self-love awaits only their choice?