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Sometimes I look up and am overwhelmed by the sheer scale and mindless indifference of time and space. I look down again and all the goals and strivings of this world seem like meaningless, temporal distractions, without purpose or point. In time it will all be gone. We’re all busy looking down, rearranging deckchairs as the band plays on and we sail inevitably on to oblivion. We try and cry and fight and fall and then we’re gone. Done.

If we won’t be remembered or matter in a million years then it’s as though we were never really here at all. Are we then really anything now? We trick ourselves into meaning, into our”selves”, with a localized gaze but anything dropped into eternity becomes nothing, even time. Infinity negates everything, even space. Endlessness does not allow for the location of a specific time or place, the idea of finite self is meaningless in the face of the infinite. Only one can be true; time or eternity, space or infinity, me or … ? So if I mean nothing, I am nothing, then these words do not exist. This thought is not. So then, what is?

every moment is a classroom

To choose forgiveness doesn't mean we need to like the person who we feel has wronged us and it doesn't have to be instantaneous.  But you can use the situation to begin today by simply deciding if even some small part of you wants to learn to think differently about yourself, about the world.  To think in terms of love instead of attack.  To learn to be grateful to that person for giving you an opportunity to practice choosing love instead of using them to reinforce your own pain.  That practice will serve you well in life and those you love will benefit from it immeasurably because forgiveness is the choice to free the self from pain.  People attack and abuse because of their own pain.  You can be present to the pain in others and love them through it when you are able to let go of the need to make it about your own pain. This is why forgiveness frees us to truly love others because without pain within ourselves we don't meet their pain with ours.  We meet it with our love instead.

Seen in this way those who appear to hurt us become those who save us. Given the purpose of learning forgiveness they are the springboard from which we catapult ourselves into true unconditional love for others, into peace and into a life filled with gratitude and joy.

stormbird

It was super windy at the lake yesterday.  I sat watching a bird dive beneath the waves.  She stayed below for so long it made me fear for her.  But she resurfaced, sometimes far away from where she vanished.  I wondered what she found below.  Was the bird that dived the same bird that emerged after that journey beneath?  I knew I was afraid of losing myself by diving below, by going deep.  That I would no longer be me.  Yet she had no fear.  She emerged renewed.  She appeared the same and yet it seemed she had changed.  Could she teach me to dive?  Do I want to learn?

Another, a seagull, hovered above.  Despite the constant driving wind he moved steadily forwards.  I marveled as he progressed despite the insistence of the elements that he retreat.  As I observed I began to see that he expended no effort, didn't fight it, he wasn't trying, he simply, patiently met it head on.  Not once did he flap his wings, but constant, subtle adjustments to his body, his shape, his attitude, somehow allowed him to ride the howling air slowly towards his goal.  It made no sense to my mind. Surely he had no choice in his direction.  He was so small, the world so big.  Then, watching him, I suddenly understood that only from my limited perspective did the world appear to be an impediment to his success, to his progress.  It appeared to me as though all the forces of nature were resisting him and yet he saw that not.  Effortlessly he harnessed the unstoppable power that appeared to be against him, gently accepting it, receiving it to glide ever higher, ever forward.  He had learned to join with the world, not resist it.  He didn't resist the wind and so it didn't resist him but lifted him instead.  He had learned to be one with it, not to fight and separate himself from it.  He BECAME it and so was free within it.  He had mastered it by mastering himself.

I thought "if he can do this, then so can I".  I can't change my body, I have no feathers but I can change my mind, give it wings.  I can allow my mind to adjust, not resist.  To shift, not to fight.  To encompass, not reject. To confront the windstorm of life head on with the surety that its seemingly uncontrollable power, correctly perceived, could be transformed from the obstacle to my happiness to become the very force that propelled me towards joy, towards peace.  I could confront my fear, confront myself.  Learn to dive deep into it.  He had no fear of falling or failing.  Only his single-minded desire for the destination.  With his eye on the prize everything he encountered was translated into a means to attain it, to become it.  Could he teach me to fly?  Do I want to learn?

choosing peace

A peaceful mind comes from a consistent, unified perception of everyone and everything. The thought that Love is really the only motivation for anything in this world greatly simplifies the decision that must be made in any instance. Regardless of the situation, no matter how complicated, difficult or unreasonable it may appear to the eyes, it will immediately relieve you of strain to remember that people are really only either asking for Love FROM others or extending it TO others. In either case the only appropriate, practical response is to simply love. Just as the Truth sets you free so does your decision for Love open your eyes to the awareness that freedom from conflict was always yours to choose.

nothing real is ever lost

Biked home late after the heavy rain today.  It was exciting, fun and strangely beautiful, orange fluffy clouds, jet black sky.  I don't remember when the sky had ever seemed so clear, maybe some forgotten camping trip when I was a kid.  I do remember the feeling though, something I haven't felt for a long time.  There was a moment when, looking up, I caught a glimpse of Orion moving through the trees and was filled with awe at the grandeur of it all.  For an instant I caught the perfect view and it all seemed so immense and yet so immediate, not apart.  As though it was me out there being looked at.  Still biking I kept trying to find a gap in the trees thinking I would stop and really look at it, take it in,   but it didn't come, then there were too many other lights glaring in my face and I knew the moment was gone.  But not lost.  

choice and perception

Imagine a day where every grievance was released. Every perceived slight or attack forgiven. Every judgment let go. Every idea of pain and fear given over to the thought of joy. Imagine each person seen through the eyes of love. What vision of the world would be revealed to you?  What idea of your self would you awaken to?

the need to suffer

You cannot truly help someone else to be free from suffering while your mind is ITSELF choosing to suffer. It's like the blind leading the blind or the drowning man trying to save someone else who is drowning. When we see others as suffering and experience conflict, guilt, pain about it we are really USING them to reinforce our own CHOICE to suffer. We see them as JUSTIFICATION for our own suffering and conflict and so we're not really diminishing their suffering but reinforcing it AND adding to the overall pain that exists in the world.

Only a mind truly free of the need to suffer is able to see others clearly enough to give them what they TRULY need. As long as you are afraid and in conflict yourself, ANYTHING you do in response to others will simply be a means of trying to alleviate your OWN suffering, to manage your own conflict. You can't see others clearly when all you can see is your own pain and you believe that changing THEIR state is somehow a means of changing your own. That's then not about them, it's about you. Any action you take is REALLY intended to alleviate your own conflict even though you may feel like you're trying to alleviate theirs.

You ARE here to ease the world's burden but how can you truly diminish pain in the world when your OWN mind is still choosing to ADD to it? It's like a person who smokes a pack a day trying to help someone else give up smoking. It's just not possible to teach, to communicate to demonstrate to others what you are incapable of yourself. So the way in which we ease the world's burden is by healing ourselves, letting go of our own burden. That's all we need to do because in doing that we ARE healing the world.

A mind in conflict and pain can ONLY teach that conflict and pain are real no matter what attempts it may make to alleviate it externally. A mind free of conflict and pain can ONLY teach that the escape from conflict and pain is possible simply by its very being. This is what the world truly needs.

Think of Jesus as an example. He simply held a healed perception of everyone and everything around him and this was enough (this was ALL that was needed) to awaken the same perception in others. This is how miracles were performed, how sickness was healed. By a simple shift in perception. This same shift in perception STILL resonates for us 2000 years later. Yes the human ego has distorted his image and message for its own reasons but the purity and simplicity of his example is still clear.

If you had NO fear, NO fear of suffering, NO fear of seeing suffering in others, NO belief in guilt, sin or attack, who would you be? Think about the freedom and the power that your mind in that state would have to teach others, to extend to others, to TRULY be present to others (instead of trying to manage its own conflict), not even through words or actions but by simply being a reflection of the POSSIBILITY of complete freedom from suffering of any kind. The best way to teach, to lead is to DEMONSTRATE.

This is not to say that showing kindness, being compassionate and trying to help when you can is wrong.  It is not wrong to want to be of service where we can. But look HONESTLY at what you're really doing in these moments. Until you are aware of your own NEED to suffer you cannot effectively alleviate suffering in others, you cannot truly give them what they need because you're still trying to get what you believe you need. There will always be the secret agenda of reinforcing suffering in there somewhere, even if the external actions appear altruistic, giving, kind. For example, there are people who are always ministering to the sick not because they are TRULY giving but because it helps them feel less guilty, more valid, more innocent, more special, the list goes on. It's not wrong for them to be in this space but to call it completely selfless is not seeing it clearly. They NEED people in the role of sufferer so that they can play the role of savior. This is unconsciously reinforcing the desire for suffering, not truly trying to alleviate it.

Who would you be if there were no pain or suffering in the world? You wouldn't be the 'you' that you know now. As uncomfortable as your experience may be at least it's FAMILIAR. The truly uncomfortable thought is not that there is suffering in the world but the thought that without suffering in the world I wouldn't be myself, I couldn't be the self that I know.  A painful self is still preferable to our fearful minds than a self we have no concept of. That feels like the complete loss of the self. In a pain free world you wouldn't know yourself, there would be nothing to "reflect" back at you your own pain. This is why we are subtly invested in keeping pain and suffering in the world. It allows us to maintain the painful yet familiar identities we are deeply invested in. Until you see yourself clearly you can never be sure that you are TRULY helping and not just reinforcing suffering in some subtle way that satisfies your own unconscious need.

The self that you would be if you were to heal your mind of the need to suffer, of the need to be in conflict would be the same self that Jesus embodied, that the Buddha embodied. It may seem difficult if not impossible to attain the level of clarity that Jesus or the Buddha held but why else would they have come but to demonstrate that it was possible? They didn't come for us all to stand around and clap at how wonderful they were. They came to show us that we are NO DIFFERENT from them. We just think we are.

Whether or not Jesus or the Buddha actually existed millennia ago as physical human beings is unimportant. In following their example, in being willing to train your mind towards forgiveness (of even the most seemingly horrible events, travesties and injustices) you will be shown that the way is possible. You will see the results of the willingness to reorient your thinking away from the belief in suffering, away from fooling yourself about your own selfishness. Your life, your mind will be opened up as you are willing to be taught a different way of being, of perceiving yourself and therefore the world. Looking honestly at your own selfishness, at your own need to reinforce the limitations or smallness of others as a means of managing your own feelings will make you more helpful, will make you more more honest. You will be able to better see where you are blocking yourself and where you're NOT being helpful. This is extremely useful information to have about yourself. It's not spiritual to pride ourselves on being unconditionally giving and loving. It's more truthful to be honest about the fact that we're NOT unconditionally giving that we are selfish and fearful. That is a more authentic expression of the desire for Truth, for growth, for healing. It's not easy, but it's possible. And the time's going to pass anyway. What better purpose to give it than to learn to escape from pain and guilt, suffering and fear? And to be able to be an example of this possibility to others?

loving without fear

Having fear for someone you love is a block to truly loving them.  Being afraid for the health, safety, well being or choices that another person is making leads to a response based not in their need but in yours.  Any action you take to 'help' them is really an unconscious attempt to manage your own fear by directing, managing or controlling them in a way that lessens your own conflict.  Looked at honestly it can be seen that this is not really about helping the other person at all but is really just a way of helping yourself.  

If you find a person resists your attempts to assist them ask yourself honestly what you are really trying to do.  Focusing on your own fear only reinforces theirs.  Focusing on trust and peace within yourself reinforces the possibility of them making the same choice for themselves.  What we believe is missing in any situation is always what we are not giving.  Love and fear cannot coexist in your mind.  If you're choosing one then you are rejecting the other. If they are afraid then they have already rejected love and so love is clearly what is needed.

Being willing to release fear, to release your own judgment about what they need or how they should be, frees your mind to simply love and be present. Your mind is freed to actually see THEM instead of only seeing your own need.  From this space, without the blinders of your own fear, it will be clear what they need from you in order to move towards healing.  Sometimes this need takes the form of specific action and any action you take will be TRULY loving, being an extension of the loving space you have already chosen for yourself.  And sometimes they may just simply need a loving, non-judgmental presence beside them. In truth all that someone needs in order to move towards healing themselves is to be given an already healed perception of what they are, to be shown the reflection of the truth they are still unable to see in themselves.  And in the process you will discover that it is really yourself that you are healing and learning to love without fear.

healed perception

A mind filled with judgment and attack sees nothing as it is but only as the mind has set it up. Forgiveness is the choice for freedom from illusion and the acceptance of Truth. Not until you forgive yourself all your seeming sins will your vision be clear to see yourself as you truly are. Not until this world is completely forgiven will you see it as it truly is.

the illusion of separation

The idea that we are bodies separated by space and time is an illusion created by our minds. Even empirical physics tells us that all things in existence began as ONE THING, a singularity that then seemed to explode out into innumerable ever-changing forms constantly 'dying' and being reborn. 

So we're really all just the same stuff, just the SAME THING that only APPEARS separate when perceived at any particular moment in time. There is no death in reality, just a shift in apparent form. Like breaking waves and and spray in the ocean we appear at times to be separate drops, individualized particles separate from the whole but every drop inevitably falls back into the ocean it came from and is never really apart from it. It simply seems to be apart from it in that momentary snapshot of time. But if its return to the ocean is certain then is it ever really NOT the ocean? 

The idea of separation and loss is only possible from the viewpoint of a limited perception, a mind that understands 'reality' in terms of seconds, minutes, hours and years instead of eternity, in terms of inches, feet and miles instead of infinity. Our lives are a snapshot moment seemingly separated out from eternity. To judge our reality based on what it looks like for the nanosecond that we call our lives is like the fable of the men trying to identify an elephant each only touching one part of it. It's not possible. We try but we get it wrong.

Time and space are functions of the mind, made to reinforce the belief in separation, to create the illusion of many, to obscure the Truth of Oneness. This is why when you really begin to look at them closely time and space break down, don't make sense. This is why the rules of time and space CHANGE ACCORDING TO THE VIEWPOINT OF THE OBSERVER. Einstein showed us this, quantum physics is beginning to reveal it more clearly. 

We're drops of water that seemed suspended in time, time an illusion created by the thought that separation is possible. But we were never apart from our source, it was never lost. Truth can only be known when we identify with the eternal, the infinite, the unlimited, when we release our investment in the meaningless, fleeting fragments that seem to constitute our bodies, our identities, our 'reality' in time. It is then that we choose to see what we truly are. It is then that we realize we were always one and always at home. It is then that we find peace.