stormbird

It was super windy at the lake yesterday.  I sat watching a bird dive beneath the waves.  She stayed below for so long it made me fear for her.  But she resurfaced, sometimes far away from where she vanished.  I wondered what she found below.  Was the bird that dived the same bird that emerged after that journey beneath?  I knew I was afraid of losing myself by diving below, by going deep.  That I would no longer be me.  Yet she had no fear.  She emerged renewed.  She appeared the same and yet it seemed she had changed.  Could she teach me to dive?  Do I want to learn?

Another, a seagull, hovered above.  Despite the constant driving wind he moved steadily forwards.  I marveled as he progressed despite the insistence of the elements that he retreat.  As I observed I began to see that he expended no effort, didn't fight it, he wasn't trying, he simply, patiently met it head on.  Not once did he flap his wings, but constant, subtle adjustments to his body, his shape, his attitude, somehow allowed him to ride the howling air slowly towards his goal.  It made no sense to my mind. Surely he had no choice in his direction.  He was so small, the world so big.  Then, watching him, I suddenly understood that only from my limited perspective did the world appear to be an impediment to his success, to his progress.  It appeared to me as though all the forces of nature were resisting him and yet he saw that not.  Effortlessly he harnessed the unstoppable power that appeared to be against him, gently accepting it, receiving it to glide ever higher, ever forward.  He had learned to join with the world, not resist it.  He didn't resist the wind and so it didn't resist him but lifted him instead.  He had learned to be one with it, not to fight and separate himself from it.  He BECAME it and so was free within it.  He had mastered it by mastering himself.

I thought "if he can do this, then so can I".  I can't change my body, I have no feathers but I can change my mind, give it wings.  I can allow my mind to adjust, not resist.  To shift, not to fight.  To encompass, not reject. To confront the windstorm of life head on with the surety that its seemingly uncontrollable power, correctly perceived, could be transformed from the obstacle to my happiness to become the very force that propelled me towards joy, towards peace.  I could confront my fear, confront myself.  Learn to dive deep into it.  He had no fear of falling or failing.  Only his single-minded desire for the destination.  With his eye on the prize everything he encountered was translated into a means to attain it, to become it.  Could he teach me to fly?  Do I want to learn?

unconscious projection

Today was a perfect lesson in Truth.   My bike being stolen was a surprise and upset me although not greatly.  It did make me think about why this had happened though.  Lately I've been having a lot of issues with honesty in my life, feeling that people are not being honest or clear with me and experiencing some conflict about it.  Various people have upset me in this way in different forms and I've certainly judged them for it.  My first thoughts today were about the dishonesty and selfishness of the thieves.  Of their lack of concern for someone else's needs.  I recognized that this was the same feeling as my recent upsets and I asked myself would I accuse myself of the same thing?  If I'm honest the answer is yes.  It took me a minute to see (admit?) it but there have been various ways in which I have recently withheld things from people, even lied, and also in one instance taken something that wasn't mine without real consideration of how it might affect someone else.  I was selfish.  

Clearly I'M not honest either but I hadn't wanted to see that in myself and always found some way to justify or minimize it.  So when someone commented to me that the thieves would get their karma I immediately recognized that this was MY karma.  And not karma in the sense of punishment, I don't believe the universe is that vindictive, but in the sense that my own earlier, repressed INTERNAL thoughts and actions had created an equal and "opposite" later reaction for me EXTERNALLY.  I was really just experiencing EXTERNALLY, through others, what I was unwilling to acknowledge and experience within myself INTERNALLY.  

The bike thieves were just showing me myself.  Same content, different form is all.  In truth there were no thieves.  I never saw them or heard them and spoke with no-one who had.  The only 'evidence' of their existence is my missing bike.  And I don't even truthfully know that it was stolen.  All I know is it vanished.  The thieves exist only in my mind as an idea, a screen upon which to project my own repressed thoughts of  selfishness and judgment. What I had been unwilling to acknowledge and accept in myself had to be put somewhere and so I put (projected) it "out there" and created a string of upsets at others for not being honest with me, including the 'bike thieves'.  

So I was really just upset with and judging MYSELF for not being honest but that thought was unconscious.  I can't release/heal what I don't even know is there.  Projecting it allowed me to SEE it and for it to become conscious, which is good.  Now I know it's there.    Now I'm not upset my bike was stolen, and in truth I never really LOST anything.  I feel that today was a blessing in disguise.  I lost my bike but what I actually got is far more helpful and valuable.  I can always buy another bike.

choosing peace

A peaceful mind comes from a consistent, unified perception of everyone and everything. The thought that Love is really the only motivation for anything in this world greatly simplifies the decision that must be made in any instance. Regardless of the situation, no matter how complicated, difficult or unreasonable it may appear to the eyes, it will immediately relieve you of strain to remember that people are really only either asking for Love FROM others or extending it TO others. In either case the only appropriate, practical response is to simply love. Just as the Truth sets you free so does your decision for Love open your eyes to the awareness that freedom from conflict was always yours to choose.

nothing real is ever lost

Biked home late after the heavy rain today.  It was exciting, fun and strangely beautiful, orange fluffy clouds, jet black sky.  I don't remember when the sky had ever seemed so clear, maybe some forgotten camping trip when I was a kid.  I do remember the feeling though, something I haven't felt for a long time.  There was a moment when, looking up, I caught a glimpse of Orion moving through the trees and was filled with awe at the grandeur of it all.  For an instant I caught the perfect view and it all seemed so immense and yet so immediate, not apart.  As though it was me out there being looked at.  Still biking I kept trying to find a gap in the trees thinking I would stop and really look at it, take it in,   but it didn't come, then there were too many other lights glaring in my face and I knew the moment was gone.  But not lost.  

choice and perception

Imagine a day where every grievance was released. Every perceived slight or attack forgiven. Every judgment let go. Every idea of pain and fear given over to the thought of joy. Imagine each person seen through the eyes of love. What vision of the world would be revealed to you?  What idea of your self would you awaken to?

the song of freedom

Forgiveness frees your mind, heart and body to become the instruments through which you play the song of love. It frees you to become the music that heals the world.

sharing

Once your thinking shifts from 'what can I get?' to 'what can I give?' you'll never feel lacking again.  The shift from 'what can I take?' to 'how can I serve?' is the choice to acknowledge the worth of what you already are.  It is the willingness to be shown the value of what you have within you to give to others.  In sharing yourself you are loving yourself.  It is only in sharing ourselves that we allow others to show us our meaning.  It is only in sharing ourselves that we feel truly connected to life.  It is only in sharing yourself that you learn you were always whole.  It is only in giving yourself that you truly gain yourself.

self acceptance

True peace of mind comes from knowing and accepting the self. All conflict is the choice to avoid the self and blame the world for not feeling whole.

the need to suffer

You cannot truly help someone else to be free from suffering while your mind is ITSELF choosing to suffer. It's like the blind leading the blind or the drowning man trying to save someone else who is drowning. When we see others as suffering and experience conflict, guilt, pain about it we are really USING them to reinforce our own CHOICE to suffer. We see them as JUSTIFICATION for our own suffering and conflict and so we're not really diminishing their suffering but reinforcing it AND adding to the overall pain that exists in the world.

Only a mind truly free of the need to suffer is able to see others clearly enough to give them what they TRULY need. As long as you are afraid and in conflict yourself, ANYTHING you do in response to others will simply be a means of trying to alleviate your OWN suffering, to manage your own conflict. You can't see others clearly when all you can see is your own pain and you believe that changing THEIR state is somehow a means of changing your own. That's then not about them, it's about you. Any action you take is REALLY intended to alleviate your own conflict even though you may feel like you're trying to alleviate theirs.

You ARE here to ease the world's burden but how can you truly diminish pain in the world when your OWN mind is still choosing to ADD to it? It's like a person who smokes a pack a day trying to help someone else give up smoking. It's just not possible to teach, to communicate to demonstrate to others what you are incapable of yourself. So the way in which we ease the world's burden is by healing ourselves, letting go of our own burden. That's all we need to do because in doing that we ARE healing the world.

A mind in conflict and pain can ONLY teach that conflict and pain are real no matter what attempts it may make to alleviate it externally. A mind free of conflict and pain can ONLY teach that the escape from conflict and pain is possible simply by its very being. This is what the world truly needs.

Think of Jesus as an example. He simply held a healed perception of everyone and everything around him and this was enough (this was ALL that was needed) to awaken the same perception in others. This is how miracles were performed, how sickness was healed. By a simple shift in perception. This same shift in perception STILL resonates for us 2000 years later. Yes the human ego has distorted his image and message for its own reasons but the purity and simplicity of his example is still clear.

If you had NO fear, NO fear of suffering, NO fear of seeing suffering in others, NO belief in guilt, sin or attack, who would you be? Think about the freedom and the power that your mind in that state would have to teach others, to extend to others, to TRULY be present to others (instead of trying to manage its own conflict), not even through words or actions but by simply being a reflection of the POSSIBILITY of complete freedom from suffering of any kind. The best way to teach, to lead is to DEMONSTRATE.

This is not to say that showing kindness, being compassionate and trying to help when you can is wrong.  It is not wrong to want to be of service where we can. But look HONESTLY at what you're really doing in these moments. Until you are aware of your own NEED to suffer you cannot effectively alleviate suffering in others, you cannot truly give them what they need because you're still trying to get what you believe you need. There will always be the secret agenda of reinforcing suffering in there somewhere, even if the external actions appear altruistic, giving, kind. For example, there are people who are always ministering to the sick not because they are TRULY giving but because it helps them feel less guilty, more valid, more innocent, more special, the list goes on. It's not wrong for them to be in this space but to call it completely selfless is not seeing it clearly. They NEED people in the role of sufferer so that they can play the role of savior. This is unconsciously reinforcing the desire for suffering, not truly trying to alleviate it.

Who would you be if there were no pain or suffering in the world? You wouldn't be the 'you' that you know now. As uncomfortable as your experience may be at least it's FAMILIAR. The truly uncomfortable thought is not that there is suffering in the world but the thought that without suffering in the world I wouldn't be myself, I couldn't be the self that I know.  A painful self is still preferable to our fearful minds than a self we have no concept of. That feels like the complete loss of the self. In a pain free world you wouldn't know yourself, there would be nothing to "reflect" back at you your own pain. This is why we are subtly invested in keeping pain and suffering in the world. It allows us to maintain the painful yet familiar identities we are deeply invested in. Until you see yourself clearly you can never be sure that you are TRULY helping and not just reinforcing suffering in some subtle way that satisfies your own unconscious need.

The self that you would be if you were to heal your mind of the need to suffer, of the need to be in conflict would be the same self that Jesus embodied, that the Buddha embodied. It may seem difficult if not impossible to attain the level of clarity that Jesus or the Buddha held but why else would they have come but to demonstrate that it was possible? They didn't come for us all to stand around and clap at how wonderful they were. They came to show us that we are NO DIFFERENT from them. We just think we are.

Whether or not Jesus or the Buddha actually existed millennia ago as physical human beings is unimportant. In following their example, in being willing to train your mind towards forgiveness (of even the most seemingly horrible events, travesties and injustices) you will be shown that the way is possible. You will see the results of the willingness to reorient your thinking away from the belief in suffering, away from fooling yourself about your own selfishness. Your life, your mind will be opened up as you are willing to be taught a different way of being, of perceiving yourself and therefore the world. Looking honestly at your own selfishness, at your own need to reinforce the limitations or smallness of others as a means of managing your own feelings will make you more helpful, will make you more more honest. You will be able to better see where you are blocking yourself and where you're NOT being helpful. This is extremely useful information to have about yourself. It's not spiritual to pride ourselves on being unconditionally giving and loving. It's more truthful to be honest about the fact that we're NOT unconditionally giving that we are selfish and fearful. That is a more authentic expression of the desire for Truth, for growth, for healing. It's not easy, but it's possible. And the time's going to pass anyway. What better purpose to give it than to learn to escape from pain and guilt, suffering and fear? And to be able to be an example of this possibility to others?

setting the goal

We often feel like our relationships aren't working. The only way to know for sure is to be clear on what your goal for the relationship is. If you're clear on the goal then it's simple to see if what you're doing with the relationship, what you're 'using it for', is bringing you closer to or pushing you further away from that purpose. 

For example if your goal is to learn how to truly love another person then the times when you are feeling unloving, or choosing to see them as undeserving of love will be given the purpose of practicing loving them regardless of their behavior and then looking honestly at your resistance to doing just that. Their role in your life becomes then a part of the lesson of learning the meaning of unconditional love and your resistance to it, your fear of it. It's easy to feel like we love someone when they're being everything we think we want them to be. It's when they're NOT being what we think we want them to be but we choose to continue loving them anyway that we understand the meaning of love without conditions. 

To my mind that is the proof of the relationship 'working' as the goal was conceived. And really what greater purpose can there possibly be for ANY relationship than learning the meaning of unconditional love? And if you don't have a conscious goal, then how are you supposed to know whether or not what you are doing is actually working?

the projected world

"What I see reflects a process in my mind, which starts with my idea of what I want. From there the mind makes up an image of the thing the mind desires, judges valuable and therefore seeks to find. These images are then projected outward, looked upon, esteemed as real and fiercely defended. "

~ A Course In Miracles

This is what creates the world I see, nothing else. The world I see exists only in my own mind. This is why what I see depends on what I thought before I looked.   If I see a world that justifies my judgment and attack then I will experience a world of conflict and myself as separate and vulnerable and justified in attacking my brother. If I see a world that justifies my forgiveness and love then I experience a world of peace and myself as whole and safe and justified only in loving him. In every moment of every situation I am choosing the world I want to see, the self I want to be and what my brother means to me. I can change my mind at any time.

remembering

Our Truth has always been, awaiting our remembering. Behind the pain, the suffering, the anger and the sadness there is light, there is love. There was always light, there was always love. We just forgot that that is what we are. As that light begins to shine in one, in you, it reminds others of the same light hidden within themselves. It is impossible to find healing within yourself without bringing healing to those around you, those you pass in the street, those you may never meet. In remembering the Truth for yourself you are remembering for everyone.

the willingness to see

The times of your greatest conflict are the moments in which you could find your greatest release. Behind every symbol of fear lies the Truth about yourself that your mind knows well but has chosen to forget. The greater the fear the greater the opportunity for healing and release from pain. Be willing to be wrong in what you perceive and let your vision be healed so that you may free yourself from darkness and fear. You may dispute this is possible, seeing justification for the upholding of judgment and condemnation all around you. Yet what you see is simply your perception and perception is not Truth but only your interpretation of it. How will you know Truth until you are willing to let your interpretation go and look upon what remains?

Even just to raise the question "what if my judgment in this is false?" is the invitation for Truth to enter your awareness. Fear not your inability to accomplish what seems impossible. Those who truly want to see WILL see for Truth will always remain Truth and awaits only your choice.

To overcome suffering requires only your desire for peace and the willingness to be shown that you were wrong. As you release the need to be right and accept the decision to be happy so you demonstrate to others the same choice is also theirs. You cannot release yourself from suffering without releasing those your mind beholds. Their freedom is yours. Forgive the world to forgive yourself. Teach only love for that is what you are.

loving without fear

Having fear for someone you love is a block to truly loving them.  Being afraid for the health, safety, well being or choices that another person is making leads to a response based not in their need but in yours.  Any action you take to 'help' them is really an unconscious attempt to manage your own fear by directing, managing or controlling them in a way that lessens your own conflict.  Looked at honestly it can be seen that this is not really about helping the other person at all but is really just a way of helping yourself.  

If you find a person resists your attempts to assist them ask yourself honestly what you are really trying to do.  Focusing on your own fear only reinforces theirs.  Focusing on trust and peace within yourself reinforces the possibility of them making the same choice for themselves.  What we believe is missing in any situation is always what we are not giving.  Love and fear cannot coexist in your mind.  If you're choosing one then you are rejecting the other. If they are afraid then they have already rejected love and so love is clearly what is needed.

Being willing to release fear, to release your own judgment about what they need or how they should be, frees your mind to simply love and be present. Your mind is freed to actually see THEM instead of only seeing your own need.  From this space, without the blinders of your own fear, it will be clear what they need from you in order to move towards healing.  Sometimes this need takes the form of specific action and any action you take will be TRULY loving, being an extension of the loving space you have already chosen for yourself.  And sometimes they may just simply need a loving, non-judgmental presence beside them. In truth all that someone needs in order to move towards healing themselves is to be given an already healed perception of what they are, to be shown the reflection of the truth they are still unable to see in themselves.  And in the process you will discover that it is really yourself that you are healing and learning to love without fear.

developing trust

If it's not happening naturally stop trying to force it. Resistance to what is is the greatest cause of conflict in this world. The truly joyful and free do not fight or struggle for peace, for joy, for abundance; this makes no sense to them. True wisdom and power come from understanding that forgiveness, acceptance and trust will open a space in your life within which miracles can occur, within which ALL THAT YOU NEED will be given to you. There is no need to MAKE it happen, you need only LET it happen. To have peace and joy simply start practicing CHOOSING peace and joy regardless of your circumstances. Practice trusting and see what happens, practice gratitude and see what happens, practice letting go of control and SEE what happens. You may say it won't work but have you ever REALLY tried to trust consistently, to accept consistently, to forgive consistently?

Your will cannot fight the Universal will although you can spend your life trying. But aligned with it your potential is limitless. Aligned with it you BECOME it. And what is not possible to One whose Self flows with the power of the Universe?